March 29, 2024

You’re never too old to hunt a Sasquatch

As I was indulging in an Oreo cookie the other evening, I caught myself twisting off the top of the cookie and eating the double-stuffed filling before ever biting into the chocolate wafer.

It got me to thinking, is there a time in a person’s life when one should simply outgrow certain things? If so, someone forgot to tell me about it.

We recently celebrated my grandson’s fifth birthday with a family Bigfoot hunt. I admit it’s not your conventional party theme for a 5-year-old.

We host family sleep-overs every couple of months or so, just to get everyone in the same place at the same time. During one of our evenings earlier this year, we were trying to decide what kind of family party our little guy would enjoy. Of course he mentioned Scooby Doo and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... but seriously, this granny had other ideas and his aunt WeeWee, a/k/a Avery, would serve as my accomplice.

I’ve mentioned before that my grand loves watching a program where a group of gun-toting hillbillies heads out to investigate sightings of unusual creatures by other hillbillies. Each episode features a different beast and each week they design elaborate backwoods-styled traps to snare the monsters. Hard to believe, but in the years we’ve been watching this program, not once have they succeeded. Go figure.

So anyway...

Prior to the big event, I sketched a few silhouettes of Sasquatch on to sheets of plywood, hubby put the jigsaw to work and we spray-painted our best cut-out renditions of Bigfoot. Avery ordered a Bigfoot cake, which raised a number of questions from the cake decorators at the bakery when she went to pick it up. Apparently that request was a first for them.

The day of the party, we all donned our best hillbilly attire — the men cut the sleeves out of perfectly good plaid, flannel shirts, we dug old overalls from the depths of our closets, a few of us tore up ‘beyond their prime’ jeans, we blacked out a few teeth, strapped on some costume beards and prepared our Nerf and water guns for battle. We each had a head-lamp to wear on our forehead during our hunt, because everyone knows the best time to track a Bigfoot is at night.

However, my grand isn’t really a big fan of the dark, especially in the country, so our squatch hunting took place before the sun ever set.

Fortunately, we have a privacy fence around a portion of our backyard, because if anyone passing by on our gravel road would have seen seven grown bearded hillbillies plus that little boy running around all decked out in our bumpkin apparel... well, someone may have shown up at our house with a very large net and seven extra-long-sleeved white coats that tie in the back.

Fortunately that didn’t happen, because once it was dark, we all piled on the trampoline and snuggled up with our blankets and pillows to watch movies on a TV projector and 20x12 foot screen Avery’s fiance, Uncle Mick*, provided in our backyard and snacked away at our own outdoor theatre.

*Oh, just for clarification purposes for those who know my family, yes, my daughter’s fiance and my hubby have the same first name. This isn’t a case of “I am my own grandpa” (a song so humorously covered by Ray Stevens years ago).

As the saying goes, growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional... especially when hunting a Sasquatch.

Contact Dana King at dking@shawmedia.com

Dana King

Dana King

Multitasking duties between the Newton News, PCM Explorer and the Jasper County Tribune.