I’m the kind of man who says what he means. No political correctness.
I was late for work the other day, maybe 20 minutes, and I’ve been late before, couple times this month.
My boss is a woman (they’re all bosses these days) and she must have had a fight with her boyfriend, or it’s her “special” time of the month, or maybe she’s not getting enough of the old innee-outtee, if ya know what I mean.
Anyway, whatever, ya know. But she made a big deal out of me being late, again, like I wasn’t the smartest guy in the place. I knew what she was trying to pull.
So, I told her, “I know some tough guys. My buddy Ray, he owns a lotta guns, ya know. Lives in a house out in the ‘burbs and he reads sniper magazines.
“Maybe I oughta have Ray come down here and take care of you so this place gets run right,” I said.
Well, I got fired because they fire everybody who speaks up to the woman bosses. It’s this political correctness crap.
She called the cops, too. Women are always calling the damn cops on men. It’s this feminist crap.
And I got arrested and went to court and the judge musta been 60, and she probably hasn’t had any lovin’ since 1978.
And she started telling me I can’t just threaten people.
“I know guys who own a lotta guns,” I told her. “One of them was in the Army Reserve. Maybe I oughta get a couple of those guys to come down here and blow you right off that bench.”
So, now I’m doing 120 days in the house of corrections because the court system is rigged.
I’m in the chow line and Ricky, this black guy, he cuts the line, pushes me out of the way because it’s Tuesday and Tuesday is pepper steak night and Ricky likes to get to the pepper steak before it gets cold.
“I know some guys with guns,” I said to him.
“I don’t see any of ‘em in this line,” he said.
He beat me pretty bad, knocked out three of my teeth. I was unconscious when the guards pulled him off of me.
He’s kind of my boyfriend now.
I guess if I had Donald Trump in here with me, I’d tell him that it’s better to be a tough guy than to just know some tough guys.