Donald Trump’s recent slipping in the polls is good news because it means there are fewer white trash people in the country than we thought. A lot of people still care about the Kardashians, though, so there’s hope for Trump.
A lot of things bother me about Trump, but it’s been the cap that’s gotten to me most. You know the one I mean. It says “Make America Great Again,” on the front.
So, according to Mr. Tomato Soup Tie, America isn’t great. In the words of our sworn enemies, America is not Akbar. Where I come from, them’s fighting words. And I was born in a working-class neighborhood where drunkenness was a keenly desired state.
In the last 10 years, I’ve been told that “America is the greatest country in the world,” until my ears rang. I’ve heard it said at the funerals of military dead and at the opening of a new industrial park, at a night-school graduation program for people who dropped out of high school and in a city park where I was covering the yearly AIDS picnic. Infected ex-junkies stood and cheered at the picnic when told how great it is in America. THAT’s patriotism.
But Trump, he thinks it’s not great in America — not anymore. That means he does not think this the greatest country in the world. That means he is less patriotic than a couple dozen nearly illiterate, welfare-sucking, virus-bearing ex-heroin addicts in an inner-city park.
Trump, an obvious ISIS “sleeper” agent, has clearly been sent here to persuade me and the junkies that America is second rate, like that cheap Mexican black tar heroin that eats your veins from the inside.
And that’s not America. America isn’t Mexico, where they grow the bad dope. America is Afghanistan, where they grow dope so good our America soldiers can’t wait to come home, start using it and begin making their way to that AIDS picnic.
Is that what Trump’s getting at, that America isn’t great because of wars and dope and poverty? No. War means you have a strong (or at least a willing) military. Dope is a personal weakness. Poverty is your own fault.
Mostly, as we know from Trump’s own utterances, the country isn’t great because you can’t call the colored people anything you want anymore and some women aren’t too pretty and we don’t bomb enough places.
I foresee a day when there won’t be anything in the country except war and the dope business. The first will make you a hero, and the second will kill you if the first one doesn’t.
And, because I’m a patriot, I hope there will always be an AIDS picnic.
Marc Munroe Dion is a nationally syndicated columnist. Dion’s latest book, “Marc Dion: Vol. I” is available for Nook and Kindle.