March 29, 2024

Wiener dogs

Most insurance companies, as well as the state of Iowa, have what is known as “The-One-Bite-Rule,” meaning your dog will be covered by insurance for the first bite. The next bite is on your own.

The insurance industry keeps a lot of statistics. One of them is the breed of dog that bites the most. Pit bulls, rottweilers and German shepherds might come to mind. You would be wrong. The breed of dog that bites the most (are you ready for this folks?), is the cute, cuddly, elongated dachshund (pronounced “doxon”), otherwise known as the “wiener dog.” Yup.

Sitting in a continuing-ed class for insurance, I about fell outta my seat when I heard this. So, when a wiener dog race came up in Burlington, I thought I’d go see for myself. I loaded up Buddy and camera, and off we went.

There were a lot of great dogs at the event, in addition to wiener dogs. I saw Great Danes, huskies, even a greyhound. Buddy is friends with everyone and everything, including cats. He would run up to a bulldog or pit bull, touch noses and want to play. There was nary a problem with these sometimes fierce-looking dogs. But with the dachshund, there was a fifty-fifty chance that he would get his nose bit. In fact, of all the breeds of dogs in attendance, the only ones I saw that were raising cane and had to be restrained were the wiener dogs. They’re extremely protective. And reaching down to pet a dog, as one is wont to do, it was only a few owners of the dachshunds that warned me away.

A mailman was at the event. He cackled and stated, “Cute here, but I’m telling you, these are the dogs (meaning the dachshunds) that give me the most problem. They go absolutely nuts.”

There was a costume contest for the wiener dogs, with owners and dogs dressed up like hotdogs and such; a wiener-eating contest for the kids; a parade for all dogs; and free ice cream. Buddy enjoyed the ice cream immensely.

Then the infamous wiener-dog races. Forty-two wiener-dogs were entered, the most for this 11th annual event put on by a private business, with all proceeds going to the Humane Society. There were heats of five dogs each. Buddy and I stationed ourselves at the finish line, with camera.

And they were off. Some of the dogs did circles and ran the wrong way. Others seemed to know what they were doing and sprinted to the finish line. The crowd loved it.

About the third heat, the classic wiener-dog confrontation occurred. Two wiener dogs were sprinting to the finish line, one about a half-a-length ahead. The dog that was behind, not liking being behind, took down the lead dog in a snarling, snapping fracas of hotdogs. The crowd cheered, thinking it was cute. (This is called rewarding bad behavior.)

I rest my case. It’s all recorded on camera.

I think it’s just that dachshunds are so darned cute, with their long bodies and noses, and short little legs, that make people want to think they’re harmless little cutie pies. Also, being small dogs, their bite might not be as severe as the bite from a larger dog. I don’t know of any dachshund taking down a horse.

I know I’m going to get a lot of response to this article, from owners of dachshunds who take exception to my musings. Someone is going to say, “How dare you castigate the dachshund breed. My Trixie wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

I’m just reporting the facts, folks.

I think they’re cute too. Like a bumblebee.

Have a good story? Call or text Curt Swarm in Mt. Pleasant at 319-217-0526 or email him at curtswarm@yahoo.com.