Straightening out America’s trade deficit

Republican senators are trying to strengthen America’s economy by exporting the ignorance that got them elected.

I grew up in the America that exported cars, clothes, steel, food and various other consumables. Now, all that stuff comes from somewhere else. So we tried exporting democracy but no one wanted it, mostly because the salesmen kept killing the potential customers. We exported our soldiers, then we took ‘em back, then we exported ‘em, then we took ‘em back. Iran. Somalia. Afghanistan. But the army’s worn pretty thin right now, so there’s not much more money in that business.

Ah, but Republicans, the party of wages down/profits up, have now taken to scrawling letters to other governments, exporting the blind dumbassery that gets them elected down home.

Unfortunately, there’s no market for Republican principles in the Mideast. Know why? Because much of the Mideast, including all turf held by ISIS, is ALREADY run on Republican principles.

Check it out.

Like Republicans, hardline Jihadists believe that the answer to every question is found in one book. They believe all other religions are wrong and should be banned.

Prayer in the schools? ISIS LOVES prayer in the schools. You pray in their schools, you pray in their mosques, you pray just before you pull the pin on your suicide vest. Republicans also like the “pray until you’re 18, and then go get killed in a holy war” doctrine.

Like Republicans, jihadists believe everyone should own an automatic weapon. Watch the evening news and all you see are Muslim fanatics waving guns. A religious event in those countries sounds like New Year’s Eve in a bad Houston neighborhood.

Women’s rights? We’ve seen how the Taliban feels about that “feminazi” stuff. They like it about as much as Republicans like equal pay for equal work.

Civil rights for despised minorities? You think the jihadi boys like that weak sister stuff?

Hell no! They kill Christians. They kill Jews. That’s an advanced version of the Republican theory that voting rights should be rolled back in this country.

Fundamental Islam seeks to turn back time, to reset the whole world to some more primitive days when women didn’t get educated, when rape wasn’t a crime, when you stoned people to death for minor infractions of religious law, when there was no difference between the leader on earth and God in heaven.

Republicanism seeks to turn America back to the day when you took your Bible to a lynching, when the boss paid what he wanted to pay and you better shut your mouth, when a woman with a waitressing career had gone as far as she could go and any blustering, blundering senator could hold office by loving Jesus in heaven and hating his black neighbors down the road.

Too bad, Republican senators. You thought you’d found a new market for your backward, blind, duplicitous hatred. Alas, it turns out the Mideast has their own brand and, while it might have a different label, it tastes just the same.

Marc Munroe Dion is a nationally syndicated columnist. Dion’s latest book, a collection of his best 2014 columns, is available for Nook and Kindle.