They lay in wait about this time each year — like snakes in tall grass.
They are not snipers, and don’t have any speed traps set up. In fact, they don’t have any bad intentions at all. Yet they are still the people I fear running into each year.
They are Girl Scouts — and they peddle the tasty cookies I simply cannot resist.
Maybe if Girl Scout cookies were sold by foul-smelling, instead of innocent, smiling, enthusiastic child fundraisers, the sugary goodness could be resisted — but I doubt it. It probably wouldn’t matter if the most widely disliked person on the planet were selling those little discs of addiction. I can’t say no.
Sales were estimated at 200 million boxes for 2007, and that was before social media had helped the insidious trade make another leap in growth. With the aid of social media and huge online marketing possibilities, even the typical four-inch smartphone screen presents a cookie that looks a drug that junkie simply must have.
There were some good years, when none of the well-intentioned scouts seemed to cross my path.
There should have been more rejoicing and gratitude over sweet freedom from sweet indulgences, but that’s how they roll: They chill for a while, then come back into your life with a thin-mint vengeance. It’s probably wrong to think of the cookies as deceitful individuals themselves — especially since any one human could shield or prevent other humans from getting to them.
But the delicious peanut butter and other ingredients personifies the treats, giving them a glow that remains imbedded my memory banks.
The once-a-year cycle is part of the craziness. Just as folks start exercising and burning off calories from holiday-era eating, here comes an ambush of unavoidable baked goods. Each year, it’s easy to say we won’t be fooled this time, and that cookie awesomeness will somehow pass us by.
And each year, a few us somehow are magically granted a pass, moving into a post-Girl-Scout-cookie sobriety. Indulging in the cookies is a bit like listening to the band Poison. You know it’s a simple commercial recipe, designed to hook you in, and you try to tell yourself you’re above it, but you end up agreeing with everyone and asking for more.
Maybe there would be a situation ideal for declining such an appealing product.
However, I tend to believe that even if there were a herd of stampeding animals, or a funnel cloud touching the ground nearby, or Nickelback playing in the background, I’d still stay long enough for the scrumptious snacks.
Maybe in 1917, when the first Girl Scout troop sold its first cookie in Oklahoma, the recipe wasn’t so perfect. But the young ladies must have found their groove fairly quickly, because the Girl Scouts’ official magazine endorsed cookie sales as a fundraising method in 1922 and published a basic recipe.
The cookies even survived World War II, as the scouts sold newspapers in addition to cookies, due to shortages of butter, flour and sugar. And all of this was before the introduction of the popular Samoa in the 1970s or Keebler agreeing to start baking some of cookies in 1998.
Hopefully, you’re not one of us who must run full-speed away from Tagalongs, Thin Mints, Shortbreads and Lemonades. For those who can relate, it’s the time of year to keep our heads on a swivel — and to not get caught off-guard.
Contact Jason W. Brooks at
641-792-3121 ext. 6532
or jbrooks@newtondailynews.com