March 28, 2024

Welcome back, murderous ones! We missed you!

In the greasy little places where America’s race issues are really worked out, between a liquor store and a nail salon, in some neighborhood that used to be white, they’ve been breaking windows and setting things on fire.

And white people, buried deep in the suburbs, like a cat in a basket full of clean laundry, are happy, at least some of them are.

Know why?

Because he is risen!

The Murderous Negro is back and everywhere, on social media, in print, in casual conversation and in rants around the bar.

“What good does it do for them to burn down their own neighborhoods?” we say.

“That’s not the constructive way to protest,” we say.

“You’d think with welfare and Obama phones and food stamps they wouldn’t need to steal sneakers,” we say.

Those black bastards. You kill one of ‘em and the rest of ‘em get mad. Murderous Negroes, all of ‘em.

And we need Murderous Negroes.

We need them to help us say things about the president. We need them to help us say things about welfare. We need them to help us say things about food stamps and baby mamas.

If there were no Murderous Negroes, we’d have to spray paint some white guys and send ‘em downtown to break windows. White people talking about rioting seem GLAD to have a riot to point to, glad to have yet more proof that African-Americans are, in fact, a species of chimp inclined to rape and murder, vicious beasts who like the taste of malt liquor and white blood.

“Look,” we say. “Look at them rioting! White people don’t do that. They think because one kid gets killed they have the right to run wild.”

Remember the stark disappointment in some people’s voices when Miami didn’t erupt in a month of riots after George Zimmerman walked? They were disappointed because that didn’t fit the Murderous Negro theory and thus could not be used to make the point talk radio makes every day. Hell, if they won’t learn to talk like white people, they can at least riot on cue.

I’ve been in places like Ferguson, Mo. — for that matter, I’ve been in Ferguson, Mo. — places where race is so tight on you, you can feel it rasping your skin every time you move.

Today, and for days to come, talk radio and Facebook and many, many Republicans will celebrate the return of the Murderous Negro, our old buddy, our oldest excuse, our darkest fairy tale.

You want to know what I know for certain? Every race riot starts with a black man killed or beaten by a white man. Martin Luther King. Rodney King. Michael Brown. First, a dead or beaten black man, and then a riot.

So you tell me, who starts the riot?

Or better yet, go find a Murderous Negro and tell him.

Marc Munroe Dion is a nationally syndicated columnist. Dion’s book of Pulitzer Prize-nominated columns is “Between Wealth and Welfare: A Liberal Curmudgeon in America,” is available for Nook and Kindle.