Fair and Breezy
64°FFair and BreezyFull Forecast
Pro Football Weekly Updated Draft Guide

‘Flunketarians’ denied tenure at U of I

Published: Tuesday, Oct. 30, 2012 11:35 a.m. CST

To the editor:

“Flunketarians” are denied tenure at U of I. Actually this form of discrimination starts long before this final insult to original injury.

Flunketarians have right from the start been denied so much as an appointment to professorships in preference to the elitist degreed. But no more; lest we forget: “War is Peace,” “Freedom is Slavery” and “Ignorance is Strength.”

Thus so, if you stand against equal protection of the law that ensures a right of an individual woman to make her own decisions about pregnancy and health, and also for all individuals to have a right to marry and live with the one they love, just say that you have been denied equal protection of the law in being unable to position yourself to promote the denial of such to others.

Do this by giving yourself some sort of label and bring suit by accusing others to whom you have assigned a different label. To wit, if perchance one flunks a test while trying to equip yourself with a sheep skin that attests to educational preparation, label it for what it is:  a flunketarian has been unfairly and illegally suffered discrimination in favor of “passing students.”

This kind of elitist discrimination has been going on for too long. You and others like you have long suffered such while sitting in the bleachers and listening to a valedictorian give his or her address to fellow graduates, faculty, family and friends. And never so much is a flunketarian afforded the opportunity of babbling away about his or her experience of flunking speech class.

In corrective revelation of myself, I am pleased to close this missive in demonstration that ignorance is really bliss; I am happy to do so. As we wonder how there was ever demonstrated enough standing for the recent case of employment discrimination against the U or I to get into court in the first place, let us all together in a class-action suit against the judicial systems for ever denying anyone locus standi (standing via an ability of a party to demonstrate to the court sufficient connection and harm within the law to bring suit).

We “non-standi” have been denied equal protection of the law and deserve our day in court.

Sam Osborne

West Branch

More News