DEAR ABBY: At a recent dinner party the men and women got into a heated debate about porn. The men said men love porn because it shows women enjoying sex with abandon. We women protested that women who behave this way in real life are labeled “sluts” by both men and women. Do men not realize this makes no sense? If you can’t answer this, maybe your male readers can. — NO FAN OF PORN
DEAR NO FAN: Not being an expert on the subject of pornography or why men enjoy it, I posed your question to a recognized expert — Larry Flynt. His answer is different than the one given by the men at the dinner party. He said that men love porn because men are aroused by the visual. Then he added that women are more turned on by the written word, which is why torrid romance novels are so popular.
P.S. Women who enjoy sex with abandon are not necessarily “sluts.” Many of them have high morals, are very happily married, and find it stimulating to watch porn with their husbands.
DEAR ABBY: I’m getting married this summer. I want to send an invitation to my brother, but I don’t want his live-in girlfriend to come. We used to be friends until I realized she was lying to me and using me. Now she’s with my brother, who is 23 years older than she is, which caused a rift in my relationship with him. We barely talk anymore.
I know I should be more understanding because it’s my brother’s life. He enjoys her company. But I find her hospitality fake — just like the smile she puts on. She’s not welcome at my wedding.
I want my brother there, but I’ll feel terrible if he feels alone. What’s the best way to handle this? Should I tell him verbally that only he is invited and not send an invitation? — WANTS A HAPPY WEDDING IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR WANTS A HAPPY WEDDING: Telling your brother with whom you are no longer close that his live-in girlfriend isn’t welcome at your wedding is sure to go over like a lead balloon. If you want him to be there, accept that his girlfriend is part of the package deal. You can bank on the fact that he would feel alone without her, so plan on seating them some distance from your table at the reception. It will make her presence less painful for you.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Justin,” and I are in our early 20s. We were high school sweethearts and we have a little girl together. Everything was going well until Justin went to a car lot to look for a car for his mother. He came home that day with a new one. My problem is he used the money he told me he was saving for my engagement ring as the down payment.
I am very hurt. I tried to seem happy and excited for him, but he knew I was upset and says I’m being “ridiculous.” At this rate, with the new car and the insurance for it almost doubled, I don’t see how he’ll have anything put away for a ring in the near future.
I have told Justin I don’t care about the size or the price of the ring, it’s the thought behind it that counts. Justin still says he wants to get me an expensive one.
I’m beginning to think he’s making excuses so he won’t have to propose to me anytime soon. What do you think? — ENGAGED-IN-WAITING IN OHIO
DEAR ENGAGED-IN-WAITING: I think you nailed it!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.