No one knew the pain my 26- years-old Zac was suffering, he never let them behind his mask. His friends and co-workers were shocked when they found out he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. They described him as funny but quiet, a young man with great ideas, intelligent, kind ... one person told me that she believed Zac had saved her husband’s life numerous time. Her husband suffered from a mental illness and Zac never turned his back, he was supportive and was always there. Neither she nor her husband knew Zac had a mental illness himself. Zac did not apply the negative stigma society has against mental health to anyone else, only himself. He was embarrassed and ashamed, and it was that negative stigma that resulted in Zac not actively participating in his own mental health treatment. Zac took meds but did not tell his provider the symptoms were still there. The stigma and non-participation resulted in a parent’s worst nightmare; on Aug. 22, 2017 Zac’s Dad found our beloved son’s lifeless body hanging in our farm shed. I held my son’s body, rocking him back and forth running my fingers through his hair. I apologized over and over for not being able to fix his loneliness, for not making things better. My mind could recognized the devastation, what a loss of such a compassionate, loving, intelligent person, a wonderful son, brother and friend. I was, and still am unable to absorb the depth of the devastation.
I always told Zac mental illness is a medical condition like diabetes, heart disease — it is a disease of the brain that can be treated. I have worked in mental health for 25 years, but even I did not know the depth of the negative stigma. It truly hit home when another parent who had lost a child in an accident stated that their situation was hard, but they would not know how to handle our situation, death by suicide. I began a Facebook page and posted what I wrote eight hours after Zac’s death. Complaints were filed and Facebook suspended my page, apparently people don’t like to read about stigma and suicide.
Zac could not overcome the stigma and got tired of fighting the disease. His thought process was impaired and (we believe) he thought he was becoming a burden. Mental health can be fatal, but it is not reflection of the person’s character, nor is it a reflection on the parent’s character. Mental illness is frequently hereditary (mental illness is on my side of the family), trauma based or just plain bad luck. Mental illness knows no socio-economic or cultural class; it is a non-discriminatory illness. You could have a wonderful relationship with your child, discuss mental illness early signs and treatment, make them know it is an illness like any other, but remember, when symptomatic your child’s thought process is impaired, you do not know their perceptions. But without the stigma, perceptions are less likely to be viewed by the individual as their fault and more individuals will seek and participate in their treatment. Zac’s life was and still is worth something. It would make him proud to help others as that is the wonderful person he continues to be. #breakthestigma
Kelly Yeggy is the Judicial Mental Health Advocate for Polk, Jasper and Marion counties. Contact her at
kelly.yeggy@polkcountyiowa.gov