March 29, 2024

Hot Flashes: Proof God is not female

My hubs and I agree on many things. However, one thing we absolutely cannot see eye-to-eye on is the temperature setting for our house.

I love the cooler temperatures of our current season. My summer attire is packed away and the sweatshirts have made their way to the front of the closet. No more capris. No more sandals. Just denim, flannel and fleece. And my fan.

I don’t care what the temperature is inside or out; I want my fan. And I want my fan turned ON. Morning, noon and night, I want the cool air moving in my presence. No, I take that back. I don’t want it … I NEED it.

Every time I leave the room, if only for a few minutes, hubby has turned my fan off, apparently under some delusion I won’t notice upon my return. Let me just say, he is dead wrong! I notice! And depending on my body’s core temperature, he can often be assured of a fiery glare from me or even a verbal reprimand, commonly known as a hissy fit. Oh, it’s not a game. This is serious stuff.

And nighttime is the worst. He’s wrapped up like a cocoon under the blankets with several layers of thermal clothing on, while I’m inches away with a fan blowing on me, thrashing about trying to find the coolest area on the sheets.

He just doesn’t get it.

The Mayo Clinic website defines hot flashes as a “sudden feelings of warmth.” Are you kidding me? I’d say it’s closer to a sudden feeling of a sleeping serpent abruptly awakening spewing molten lava through your veins.

It also suggests “a variety of treatments for particularly bothersome hot flashes.” Particularly bothersome? Do those people even know any women over 50? (I might note, the definition page has a byline of Mayo Clinic Staff. In other words, some man didn’t have the nerve to put his name to the piece.)

No, life isn’t fair.

It’s common knowledge our house is always cold in the winter. I have four responses to that:

1. Put on more clothing;

2. There are plenty of blankets around;

3. Until you become a 50-plus-year-old female, don’t complain to me; and

4. Leave my fan alone!

Contact Dana King at
dking@shawmedia.com