March 29, 2024

Would ISIS like some heroin?

Ever since a State Department spokeswoman stupidly suggested that people are happier with jobs and money than without jobs and money, Americans have refused to examine any of our attitudes towards poverty/terrorists/Islam/foreigners.

This is because re-evaluating, questioning or thinking are all, if not forbidden, then certainly discouraged in mad-as-hell America, where we know what high explosives can do.

High explosives, dropped from airplanes, are the distillation of America, the high-proof result of cooking down democracy, the way you can distill Islam into a homemade landmine.

And, of course, the idea that people are happier with jobs is socialist — that is if it’s not communist or just plain liberal, all three terms being interchangeable to the uneducated and the loud, who control much of today’s political culture.

The idea that people are happier with a future is the old, communist American idea that created the mortgage exemption you take on your taxes. It’s the vile socialist lie that created the eight-hour day and made it illegal for preteens to work in coal mines.

We’ve moved past that, learning that poverty is the fault of the poor. Jesus said we would always have the poor with us, and we don’t want to make a liar out of Jesus.

So, what do we have for the militant members of ISIS?

Well, we have high explosives, though some (and they hate America) question the effect of blowing people’s legs off, of turning their babies into globs of fleshy salsa. If it hasn’t worked so far, maybe we’re not doing it enough.

Here in America, we can see the salutary effect of no jobs in places like Detroit, Akron, Birmingham, places where, thank God (the Christian one), people are much too high to contemplate revolution.

Not all of America’s poor are drug addicts, but enough of them are that the rest of them spend a lot of time dealing with the abandoned children of addicted family members and cowering behind locked doors. The remainder, the “good ones” as we say, try to patch together some kind of living on minimum wage.

The presence of pills, weed, heroin and an ocean of plain old booze in our poorer neighborhoods cannot be overstated. It keeps the poor, if not calm, then at least disinclined to revolt. Energy can be summoned for the occasional riot, but that’s mostly disorganized stealing and represents no real threat to the rich people running things. They generally live far from the scene of any riot.

So, while jobs may not help ISIS and bombing may just make them even angrier, I suggest dropping heroin on ISIS, bags and bags of the stuff. Throw in some Oxycontin, too.

Don’t worry; eventually, a bunch of them will start using the stuff. If America is any indication, no one can resist for long. Parachute in some Republican congressmen, too. Or at least get some of the radical jihadist clergy to understand the benefits of a trickle-down economy.

Don’t get ‘em jobs. Get ‘em high. That’ll make them forget about revolution. After all, it worked in Chicago.

Marc Munroe Dion is a nationally syndicated columnist. His book of Pulitzer Prize-nominated columns, “Between Wealth and Welfare: A Liberal Curmudgeon in America,” is available on Nook and Kindle.