Editor’s Note: This column originally published Nov. 24, 2014.
Last week I found myself standing with Cliff Huxtable.
Not with Bill Cosby, but with Cliff, the fictional character I adored as a child. As the allegations came in that Cosby had sexually assaulted several young women, and drugged them in order to do so, everything in me wanted to believe it didn’t happen.
Like many, I idolized Bill Cosby as the star of “The Cosby Show,” which we watched religiously. Growing up I thought he was maybe one of the funniest men ever (why couldn’t my dad be that cool?) and admired the entire Huxtable family. I was proud to receive a photo of the cast, posing on the stairway of the Huxtable home, after writing a letter to the show. I was probably 8 years old.
Just a few weeks ago I indulged in a Cosby Show marathon. It was still enjoyable after all these years.
So the onslaught of allegations was hard to take. In fact, I’m ashamed to admit I wasn’t going to believe the allegations.
I have written a number of stories about sexual assault awareness, and I’ve been entrusted to write and report the stories of sexual assault survivors. I’ve also worked alongside some amazing people who work as advocates and counselors for victims, and with police officers who specialize in sexual assault cases.
Still, when the news broke, I thought to myself — what is wrong with these women? They’re making it up. They want attention.
After a few aggravating hours, I finally decided I to reach out to a friend of mine who works at a sexual assault care center. I gave her the precursor that I felt a bit crazy for feeling the way I did. I recognized that I needed a reality check.
The biggest question: Is it typical for victims to wait so long to report an assault? The answer is yes. It’s completely typical. Victims worry about retaliation — and about being believed. In fact, most victims will never report an assault.
I know this.
She said many of Cosby’s alleged victims were very young at the time of the assault — many wouldn’t feel they had any power to speak out, especially against such a high-profile person.
I know this.
Remember, she said, false reporting a sexual assault is lower than any other crime.
I know this.
How could someone like myself, with the education and experiences I have, question these women? I think it’s a powerful example of what our society has ingrained in us about victims.
It’s hard for us to believe that another person, especially a beloved celebrity or athlete, would harm someone in that way without provocation. That’s why oftentimes we blame the victim — the way she dresses, how much she had to drink, how late she was out and in which neighborhood.
These aren’t unfamiliar misconceptions are they? Clearly victims are subject to the same misconceptions. Victims are conditioned to think it’s their fault.
I’ve been reminded that sexual assault, a crime that impacts every community, remains a topic we need to be educated and re-educated about.
It’s not a comfortable conversation, but it’s one that deserves out attention.
Contact Abigail Pelzer at
641-792-3121 ext. 6530
or apelzer@newtondailynews.com