The haunting ramifications of my abysmal performance during the 1994 Milton-Union Middle School talent show remains branded into my brainpan to this day.

Even as I write this I started playing the song “Yellow Submarine” by The Beatles in the background (on a constant loop) as I tell this tale of teenage angst and embarrassment.

My good friend William Andrew Puterbaugh and I began playing guitar at age 13 when a new man of the cloth took over the local church and agreed to teach us. However, we made a pact with the pastor that once we were able to play, we would perform during every church service strumming church hymns in order to continue receiving lessons from him.