DEAR ABBY: I had been single a long time when I married a wonderful man, “Edgar,” who had custody of his two children. After we had dated awhile, he told me about his vasectomy. He said he and his wife had agreed not to have any more children. As our relationship progressed, Edgar told me he would have the vasectomy reversed if I wanted to have children — which I said I definitely did. After two years of marriage, I finally brought up the subject.
Edgar then informed me he didn’t want to reverse the operation. He said he couldn’t handle having another child. Abby, I am crushed. I thought Edgar loved me enough to give me children out of our union and love. I love his children and wouldn’t favor our children over his.
I would never consider leaving Edgar over this, but I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for deceiving me and leading me on. My husband has denied me the children he knew I so desperately wanted.
Abby, I urge couples who may find themselves in a similar situation to be honest with each other before they marry. — CHILDLESS AND HEARTBROKEN
DEAR CHILDLESS AND HEARTBROKEN: Many churches — and some states — now encourage couples who are considering marriage to go through prenuptial counseling to ensure compatibility. I’m all for it. If both parties are honest with each other, it could prevent a world of heartache down the line.
You have my condolences for the children you and Edgar will never have together. While you would never leave him, his dishonesty is grounds for an annulment of the marriage.
DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and have a problem with my friend “Will.” He transferred to my school last year, and I seem to be his only friend. It has become a problem because I have other friends I like to hang out with.
Will is not a good “people” person. He’s hard to have around when I have parties, and he constantly interrupts me when I’m trying to talk to other kids. He just doesn’t know the right things to say. Also, he comes from a very wealthy family, and sometimes makes sick jokes about middle-class people. This has offended me and some of my friends.
Will is obsessed with politics and likes to strike up debates with me over petty issues. It’s really annoying. His obsession with politics makes people think he’s a geek. He really can be sometimes, but he’s also a nice guy.
My main problem is that at lunch he follows me around when I go to talk to my other friends. When I move to another part of the table, he moves, too — right across from me — so I can’t talk without him butting in. He’s like a maggot sticking to me!
I wish he could find some other friends and not hang out with me all the time. I like him as a person, but what can I do to make him stop following me? — BUGGED IN CHATHAM, N.J.
DEAR BUGGED: Level with him privately and tell him exactly what you have told me. You would be doing him a kindness. Explain to him that while you like him, you also need to spend time with your other friends — and to please make other seating arrangements a couple of days a week. That way, you’re not cutting him off completely.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.