Airlines have hit a new low. How is that possible, you ask? I’m here to tell you that it is. First, airlines began charging for check-in luggage. Then they limited the allowed number of carry-ons, forcing passengers to spend more money on checked luggage. And now, the most disgusting development of all: Airlines have started counting lap babies as one of the two allowed carry-ons.

Oh, you haven’t heard about the new baby carry-on policy? Well, neither had I, but despite our having missed the presumably extensive news coverage on this latest development, let me assure you it is in full effect.

Allow me to tell you the tale.