There’s a reason women have come up with so many crazy home remedies to induce labor: Being nine months pregnant is terrible.

If my experience speaks to most women’s at nine months, waiting for your child to enter this world is maddening. You become a crazy person — even crazier than the hormones have made you thus far. Every day, you find yourself praying for an end to come soon. Every day, you look for signs, hoping today is the day.

Are those contractions or just stomach pains from drinking milk past its expiration date? Did my water just break, or did I just laugh too hard? Did my awesome dream about bathing in a pool of Bisquick and lying out in the sun chanting “I’m a delicious pig in a blanket” indicate that I soon will be holding my own li’l bundle in a blanket? (Oh, come on! I can’t be the only person who had that dream.)