(MCT) — Too bad they retained the title of “Total Recall” and ditched every quality that made that 1990 sci-fi smash memorable. Gone are the saber-sharp satire, the irresistibly quippy and quotable dialog, and the agreeably cheesy, over-amped performances. What remains is a total retread of a popcorn classic made shinier, louder and crushingly dumber.

In a grim, overpopulated future, Colin Farrell plays factory worker Doug Quaid, one of those faceless people who makes things work but never gets his due. After another dispiriting day on the assembly line stamping out robocops (this film positively bristles with allusions to top science-fiction movies) he’s ready for a bit of escapism. Traveling through the labyrinthine slums that entrap him before the plot complications do, he visits Rekall Inc., a shady memory-implantation center where customers can experience the delusion of their choice.

Quaid has barely begun his secret-agent fantasy when SWAT troopers burst in and Quaid reacts superspy style, shooting the police squad full of holes. Now his wife (Kate Beckinsale) is out to kill him and a strangely familiar woman (Jessica Biel) entices him with information about his true identity. Or so it seems. Is Quaid a nobody dreaming of glory, or an undercover agent whose memory is gradually returning?